How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
