can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
