you guys were way drunker than both of me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
