dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
