Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
