She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
