Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
