You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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