it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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