thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
