sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
