theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
