I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
