and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
