ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
