I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize