between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
