She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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