I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
