I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
