you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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