Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
