My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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