I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
