My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
