hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
