two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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