before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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