I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
