I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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