ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
