she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
