So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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