it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think my moral compass just broke
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
