The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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