I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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