I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
