I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
