he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
