My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
