oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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