Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
