Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
