butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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