Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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