Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
