Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
