You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
