My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
