Taylor Swift is so right about you.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
