and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
