i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
