I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
