I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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