Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
