why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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