after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
