i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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