dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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