I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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