Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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