I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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