My brain says no but my pants say off.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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