im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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