sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
