What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
