The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
