5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
