He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
