i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You ruined the universe
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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