some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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