Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
