ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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