He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
