you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
