Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
