we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize